My husband walks through the door and looks into my eyes and utters a phrase that instantly knocks the wind out of me........I'm Deploying. And then he continues..........I'm Deploying In A Few Weeks. I instantly burst into tears. My heart is beating out of my chest, emotions raw, my mind is instantly racing through every thought of what we need to prepare, what is going to change, yet the only words that keep coming out of my mouth are no, no, no. The tears keep rolling down my face. Who else can relate to those feelings?
Even though we have been through this before, I am still in shock. How is life going to change? How is life going to change for our daughter? (This is her first deployment) What is single mom life going to be like? Can I still handle Homeschooling? What is building my business going to look like? Can I still achieve the goals that I had set for this year? Also we live in an RV.........I better figure out what the heck I am doing! When I talked my husband into this crazy RV life, I never imagined I would have to be the one who unhooked the poop hose. Yes I went there. RV life is amazing and so much fun.......but not always glamorous! Needless to say, I have solely relied on my husband to do the dirty work.
December is historically the busiest month of the year on our calendar and this year was no exception. My December calendar was already FULL of ink with all of the things I had planned. Now we have to add in all of this Deployment prep and emotional prep. Listen military......this was just not in my plan right now. LOL
Emotionally I almost feel like its a blessing that this has been such short notice. Not enough time to dwell on everything that is about to change. Honestly I still feel like I am in shock, and it may not fully sink in until I come home to this camper with our daughter alone or crawl into my empty bed at night. It will definitely sink in the first time I have to touch that poop hose! LOL
But physically I wish that we had a little more time to prepare. There is just so much to do to be ready for this and I feel like my list of things that needs to be done keeps multiplying. Its a little overwhelming if I let myself think about it too much. Not to mention trying to take just a few seconds to enjoy my favorite time of the year.
It's funny because I just started to get really comfortable with how our life was going, even planning out the next year. Its funny how the military always likes screw with me just a little. When we start to get a little too comfortable with life, that is when the PCS or Deployment always seems to pop up. But I am very much a believer in God and he clearly has a plan for everything, I would just LOVE to be let in on what that is sometimes.(LOL) Maybe its to learn strength? Maybe to learn to trust Him more? I am sure its a combo of several things. The one thing I do know, I...will....grow.